Parodies of the Eminem hits
by hyperleo01
Summary: Well.....my friend and I love writing parodies...so we were listening to Eminem...and I start bursting out with this....it's a parody apparently...about YouKnowYou....just read please!There's another one now, about Snape.
1. Cleanin' Out My Chamber

Disclaimer: Nope....don't know any of them...considering they're not real.....oh and this is Eminem's song...Cleanin' Out My Closet, but my friend and I are obsessed with parodies...we think they're funny.  
  
Cleanin' Out My Chamber....Harry Potter Style?  
By Allison Joel and Leora Bernstein  
  
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, two sixth years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry, were just sitting around ordinarily.  
But Harry Potter was not an ordinary boy, and this was not an ordinary school.  
Other than that...scar...on Harry's head that EVERYONE knows about already.....I mean, it just sticks out there! WHO WOULDN"T NOTICE THIS GIANT SCAR ON YOUR HEAD?!  
Anyways, yeah, so Harry had a scar. So do millions of other stupid boys who try and be a power ranger...anyways, Harry was special for another reason.  
Finally, after years of trying by older, more experienced wizards, Harry got to kill Voldemort.  
It wasn't his fault, as usual. He got caught up in the fight between Voldemort and Dumbledore and sparks flew. Harry's magical scar worked for him once again as he got to do some cool jedi tricks and threw the ring back in the fire....oops, wrong story.  
He threw Voldemort's WAND in the fire...and POOF, there goes the most terrible sorcerer of all time.  
Who woulda known that all ya had ta do was take his magical piece of wood and chuck it into a fire?!  
OK, so Harry and Ron were sitting around doing nothing.  
They decide to explore the castle, because they were bored and looking for ways to get themselves killed again.   
"Let's go to the dungeons." Ron suggested.  
"Even I don't want to deal with Snape. The man's livid." Harry said, shaking his head.  
"Well, I'm going. See ya." Ron said, leaving. Harry sighed and followed him.  
*&*  
Once they got to the dungeons, they saw a box type of thing.  
Kind of like a jack-in-the-box.  
"Hey, let's see what it is." Ron said, and all of a sudden, Voldemort himself popped out of it.  
"Not again..." Harry groaned. He wsa majory tired of killing Voldemort over and over again.  
"Ooh yes, young Potter, I'm back again!" Voldemort said.  
"H-H-ar-ry...I don't like him..." Ron said, shaking. Voldemort had taken first place in Ron's mind over what scared him the most, and Harry had laughed many times over it. Not the fact that Voldemort was scary...I mean, even Harry was scared of the thing, alive or dead. But the fact the Ron's list went a little like this.  
1) Voldemort  
2) Spiders  
3) Hermione on a hyper drive for homework  
"So, what are you going to do this time?" Harry asked, tying to seem cool.  
"Kill you. Avada Kredava!" Voldemort said, but his wand wouldn't work. "Dammit...wand, work!"  
"Wait a minute....I know! You're a boggart!" Harry said.  
"Aw...I had a song and everything. Do I still get to sing it?!" The dead boggart thing in front of them asked, pleading.  
"Fine. Sing the stupid song." Harry sighed.  
"Yay!" Voldemort yipped. And all of a sudden he turned all evil again...  
  
Cleanin' Out My Chamber....Harry Potter Style?  
By Allison Joel and Leora Bernstein  
  
Where's my snake?  
I can't find my snake!  
Oh there you are...sssssss  
  
Have you ever hated muggles and tried to kill them? I have.  
I've cursed and slaughtered, even cruxified them.  
My death signs for my evil times, look at the rhymes.  
"Oh Voldemort don't kill Harry, I'll show you my behind!" Ha!  
All this commotion 'cause I threw some stupid witch in the ocean  
My tempers flaring, so I'll kill all the wizards off and keep going  
I've done millions of cursed, do them long as I'm breathing  
killin' lots in the morning and even more in the evening.  
leaving with them dead in the den of their house  
some tried to escape me, but they'll never get out!  
Look at me now, I bet you're probably sick of me now  
Ain't you Potter I'm a make you look so rediculous now!  
  
I'm sorry Potter  
I never meant to hurt you  
I never meant to kill your dad  
but tonight I'm cleaning out my chamber (2 times)  
  
I got some skeletons in my closet  
and everyone I know knows it  
Once I throw a mudblood in a coffin and close it  
I'll expose it, I'll take you back to 1953  
Before I ever got beat up my a one year old baby  
I was a grown up-for maybe just a couple of months  
I saw my 'father', that got my whiteys up in a bunch  
and I said "Hello, I thought you had died"  
He said back "No my son, come and join the dark side"  
I look at him, and I could picture saying godbye  
And so I killed him, and then I started my life as Voldemort  
and now I'm master of hate, I never make mistakes  
But I'm not human, and I'm great enough to face it today  
What you did was stupid, it was crazy you see  
Did you really think that you could get away so safely  
cause now, I'll kill you, Ron and Hermione too  
It's my life, I'd like to welcome ya'll to Voldemort's loo  
  
I'm sorry Potter  
I never meant to hurt you  
I never meant to kill your mum   
But tonight I'm cleaning out my chamber (2 times)  
  
I would never dis you just to get recognition   
take a second to listen before you say I am dissin'  
Put yourself in my position  
Just try to envision  
witnessin' Severus poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen  
bitching that things are always missin' because he's really pmsing  
goin through public housing systems, victim of Muggle born syndrome  
my whole life I was made to believe I was muggle wen I wasnt  
til I blew the cat up, it makes you sick to your stomach  
doesnt it wasnt it the reason you abandoned me PA?!  
so you could try to hide the fact that you married a witch, PA?!  
but guess what? I'm gettin older now, and you're gettin all moldy  
Ever since you were born, Potter, I knew you were phoney  
And Basilisk's gettin so big now, you should see her, shes beautiful  
HA! You'll see and then you'll be at your funeral  
See what hurts me the most is you wont admit you are weak  
Go on believing that you're stonger than me  
But how dare you think you're Slytherin only cause you can hiss!  
I hope you burn in wizards hell, right after this!  
Myrtle told you how she died, and soon youre gonna see  
Who killed Harry Potter?! ME!  
  
I'm sorry Potter  
I never meant to hurt you  
I never meant to kill your dad  
but tonight, I'm cleaning out my chamber (4 times)  
  
"So, did ya like it??" Voldemort asked Harry once he was done.  
"Uh....ridikkulus!" Harry and Ron said together blasting Voldemort into thin air.  
As Ron and Harry were walking upstairs, you could hear Harry smaking Ron and saying "Man, next time...be afraid of someone who can actually rap!"  
"I thought it was pretty catchy...I'm sorry Potter. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to kill you dad, but tonight I'm cleaning out m-OW! Harry!"  
  
**********************************************  
tell me if ya liked it, could ya?! PLEASE?!  
musicgal 


	2. Who the Hell I Am

"The Way I Am"  
Snape: the Way he is?  
by Leora Bernstein

The year: 1997. The month: well...it's gotta be sometime in February. Becuase it's damn cold, and Ronald Weasley won't shut up about his birthday coming up.  
Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley have been searching for Horcruxes for several months now. So far, they've found an outstanding...two. Unfortunately...one of those was the journal, and the other was the locket. That wonderful little locket-that ended up carrying a bit of the most evil man in the world as we know it-somehow ended up in their care becuase Ron wanted to buy his girlfriend a present, and bought it off Dung for half price. To be honest, no one knew who was angrier: Harry, for the fact that Ron didn't KNOW it was a source of all evil, or Hermione, for recieving stolen goods as a present.  
Either way, Ron was in deep shit with his two best friends at the moment. As they climbed a mountain (eh, they figured that if they're going to go on a big journey, they may as well do it right and climb a mountain like they had seen in all those action movies), Harry saw something on top of the mountain that made him squint. It was shiny, dark and looked a little like oil.  
And then, they smelt it. The worst smell to hit their noses in a good many days...since the last time Ron 'let one go'.  
"RON! NOT AGAIN!" Hermione screamed. But Ron only looked confused.  
"Ron, we told you that if you did that again, we'd throw you over the mountain." Harry added, attempting to cover his sensative smell organs with his flimsy shirt.  
"But...it wasn't me!" Ron said, trying to prove to Harry and Hermione that, for once, he wasn't the source of all this unpleasantness.  
"If it wasn't you, then what was it? A flying dungbomb?" Hermione asked, skeptically.  
"Well, actually..." Harry said, picking up what seemed to be the remains of a dungbomb. "Um...whose throwing these at us? That's really very rude." He looked at the bomb oddly and threw it behind him, telling the other two to continue walking.

a little while later

"Really rude...I mean, don't they know who we are? Trying to save their arses, and all they can do it pelt us with-"  
"Harry, shut up." Ron said, losing his paitience. Harry had been complaining about the dungbomb for the last quarter of an hour.  
"Yes, Potter. Do shut up." A voice said. Harry looked up and saw his biggest hatred- kilts. Oh, and Severus Snape happened to be wearing one.  
"A bit cold for women's wear, don't you think?" Harry asked, smugly.  
"Hey! Men wear these! It's-why am I arguing with you about clothing. I'm here to kill you." Snape said, raising his wand. But Harry just looked amused and flicked his hand up. All of a sudden, the wand flew up and landed in Harry's hand.  
"What? How did you..." Snape said, angry that he hadn't anticipated that.  
"Here's a helpful hint to you; don't give advice to your opponent. It'll help them win more often than not." Harry replied, looking at the wand and snapping it in two with one hand. "Now, we don't want you getting this back, do we"  
"That was low, Potter. Even for you. I wouldn't have thought you would harm an unarmed man." Snape said.  
"First off, who said I was going to harm you? Second off, taking my godfather and Dumbledore away was pretty low, too. You bloody bastard." Hermione and Ron were looking agape at the change in Harry. He seemed too calm for their taste, too happy with the thought of torturing Snape to be completely light.  
"If you're not going to hurt me, what are you going to do?" Snape asked, cautiously.  
"Let you explain." Harry said, sitting down on a rock. Ron and Hermione looked confused, but somewhat relieved. At least Harry wasn't going to kill Snape or something."Explain how you got Dumbledore to trust you. How you got _everyone_ to trust you. After all, someone had to realize that if you were that good at lying and spying, you could double cross anyone"  
"See, that's the trick, Potter. To create a facade of a facade. I was no spy. I fed Dumbledore false information. I fed Voldemort wrong information." Snape said, incredibly content with himself.  
Hermione spoke up then; "Excuse me, but if you fed everyone wrong information...what good were you in the first place? What side are you on"  
"...I say I bat for my own team..." Snape replied.  
"Well, that makes sense." Ron said sarcastically. "He's never hit it home...hehehe"  
Harry looked at him incredeously. "You're making sex jokes? Now!" And with that, Ron got a smack to the head. As Ron rubbed his sore head, Harry put his attention back on Snape. "So...you just kill people for fun?"  
"Well, it's a little more complicated than that." Snape said, and, suddenly, a beat started going.  
"Oh God Dammit...not another bloody rap..." Harry said, remembering the random raps people would put him through. Especially that chatty Sorting Hat. That thing just wouldn't shut up with the rhymes.  
"Yes. Another rap! Now, shut up and listen, Potter" Snape said, and got into the beat.

"Who the HELL I am"  
by Leora...the freak with all the parodies.

"This song is for anyone who's like me...shit...there's no one...fuck it.

I sit back with this wand and this potion that's great-  
just like weed- it gives me the shit needed to be  
the best spy for the dark on this earth-(on this earth)  
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse I've reversed  
see I used to be half blood but now I'm a prince  
and it works-now old Voldy will help me relinquish  
this tension-no pension-  
for teachin' these brats behind Dumbledore's back all these curses and dark shit  
-and I'll rest again peacefully (peacefully)  
but at least have the decency in you  
to leave me alone, when you want to accuse me  
for being a spy or for "killing your mentor"  
do NOT try to duel me  
I can beat you and hear you-  
when your stupid mind is so open  
Oh yeah, Mr. Potter, yes I killed your father  
I can't eat at Hogs Head cuz I told "the Lord"  
that I heard that _you_ would defeat Him (defeat him)  
that bloody damn prophecy, DON'T TRY TO CURSE ME!  
I'll lift you up 10 feet-like those muggles  
I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you  
So call up a auror, and send me to MOM.  
I'll lie in the courtroom, and leave Azkaban.  
but I'm tired of pretendin' (pretendin)  
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be so _trust me._

And I am, whatever you say I am  
You can say it, and that'll be the way I am  
a double crosser, a spy, every day I am  
I'll be kosher and then eat ham  
Cause I am, whatever you say I am  
You can say it, and that'll be the way I am.  
I'll kill Albus, and then save Potter again  
no one knows just who the hell I am

Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered  
with all of this nonsense it's constant  
And, "Oh, he's still good I can see it!  
-he had to kill dumbledore-part of the vow!"  
And all of this controversy circles me  
and it seems like the wizards are all against me  
point their wands all at me (all at me.)  
So I point one back at 'em, but I know what's coming, you see  
with the Occlumency, it's the shields you put up  
that'll save all your butts, make them see what you want  
with the curses they shout, 'cuz that's what their about  
When a Lord's gainin' power and kills off a town  
and they blame it on Albus (on Albus)  
Where were the aurors at? Oh, look where Voldy at!  
Ministry fountain- oh NOW it's a problem  
oh NOW get the chosen one, little boys havin' fun  
duelin with dark Lords (dark lords)  
then attack Dumbledore and his stupid wards  
But I'm glad cause they give me the reasons I need for the treasons  
to happen and now You know who's back again!

And I am, whatever you say I am  
You can say it, and that'll be the way I am  
a double crosser, a spy, every day I am  
I'll be kosher and then eat ham  
Cause I am, whatever you say I am  
You can say it, and that'll be the way I am.  
I'll kill Albus, and then save Potter again  
no one knows just who the hell I am

I'm done with the random confiding in me  
I wish people would stop and bloody let me be  
and just stop with the murders, stop with the torture  
I'm not gonna be able to spy any further  
with Draco theferett whose simply a burden  
who'll rat me out soon as he's done with his learnin'  
I'm sick of the constant "truth seekers" (truth seekers!)  
from bloody hell cocky death eaters who think  
I'm some Order member cuz I don't talk  
about mudbloods, and suck on His balls, so they always keep askin'  
the same fuckin questions (fuckin questions)  
"Why are you workin' there, why don't you seem to care-  
Potter still lives and he's under your care"  
-'til I'm grabbin my moose and I'm greasin' my hair  
cause they drivin me crazy (drivin me crazy)..Idon't mind.  
But I'm trying for flyin', for sayin' goodbye  
And I know I'm a spy and I know I can lie  
But I can't plead allegience, to light or to dark  
without somebody barkin'  
No I won't promise your vow  
You can kill me right now-I'll be glad

Cause I am, whatever you say I am  
You can say it, and that'll be the way I am  
a double crosser, a spy, every day I am  
I'll be kosher and then eat ham  
Cause I am, whatever you say I am  
You can say it, and that'll be the way I am.  
I'll kill Albus, and then save Potter again  
no one knows just who the hell I am"

At the end of this...presentation...Harry, Ron and Hermione looked very scared.  
"Any questions?" Snape asked.  
"Um...you're jewish?" Ron said. "Makes sense, what with the nose and-" he got another slap in the head for this.  
"So you're just...generally killing people?" Harry asked.  
"Pretty much. Now, what are you going to do with me?" Snape asked, getting tired of this charade.  
"Eh...I'll just leave you here to fend for yourself. Maybe you'll fall in the snow and wash your hair..." Harry said, walking past him, Hermione and Ron following him closely.  
"WHAT! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! I'LL FREEZE! POTTER! COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW! **POTTER!**" Snape kept screaming as Harry, Hermione and Ron walked over the top of the mountain and down the other side, therefore completing the necessary journey for any adventure novel or movie.  
"Why is it always Eminem? Can't anyone make a good parody out of a Backstreet Boy song?" Harry asked, scratching his head.  
"The Backstreet Boys kinda make parodies of themselves..." Hermione pointed out.  
"Ah, yes..." Harry said, smiling.  
"I still can't get over the fact that Snape's Jewish!" Ron said, bewildered. A few seconds later, you could head a distinct "OW!" amongst Snape's squabblings.

**EL FIN**

* * *

Ah...that only took...3 years!  
Yay!  
I hope you like it. I figured that this would be the perfect song for Snape. You have to allow for certain rests in some measures though. It was the only way to make it truly possible. And just...don't try and make sense of this story. It really is just the wild wanderings of my imagination.  
Please, review. Tell me that you hate it! Or that you love it. If you love it, I shall try to create another parody before the 7th book comes out.  
If you hate it, be nice. I'm a girl.  
**OH! JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS! I'M A JEWISH BACKSTREET BOY FAN! I'M ALLOWED TO SAY THAT STUFF  
**hehehe...Happy Rosh Hashana everyone! 


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